3 Strikes, you're out!

I got my stitches out. Personally, educational wise, life skills wise, and just plain in general growing myself into the adult i needed to become almost 3 years ago and going great, on the other hand, my social life, and service life and failing horribly! I never felt so alone and feel like so many people hate me. It literally bugs the shit outta me because i cant handle all that negative energy around me. Unfortunately, i like absorb in into self-loathing, because i can never hate anyone and hurt someone in that type of manner... i dont know why its easier to hurt myself.. Youth Group leadership is spiraling down the drain nobody's aware but a few others and a few other students who already stopped coming for that reason. Due to other things and my dance classes which i was planning on taking this beginning year but couldnt decide if i wanted to dance or do leadership has been decided. Im choosing to take a minor step down in Leadership and finally do things for myself! Im so hyper focused on helping other and never saying no that i've been neglecting myself.. Things fall apart so better things can fall together! This is the beginning of my life and career. Ive been accepted into Cal Baptist University and into my 2 year Psychology Program for my BA. I cant mess this up and wont! I start in March. More details once i finish talking to my counselor. But, i'll be there ever now and then at YG but im gonna focus on my dance and my job. Oh, i got a new job since Bath&Body Works seasonal is ending and its back at Sonic in Murrieta full time..  and finally my iphone 4s white.. If God ever calls me back as a full time leader again then okay, but as of now.. i dont think i want to be surrounded by all the negativity. im gonna miss a ton of people though..

i just hate this lonely feeling i have and i feel that ive lost a lot of friends or maybe it might have been that they werent really my friends in the first place but i dont and im okay with it..  Well im hella tired and i wasnt even suppose to blog today.. the hospital took forever!!