do you ever want to recover?

Wow, this came out of nowhere.. of course i do! It's just insanely hard. Everyone has their certain time to recover and when its right. Recovery is not an automatic thing, its not a destination or event, its a process. A journey. A life long one at that. Years from now i will still struggle with thoughts of my eating disorder and wanting it back.

I didn't even start to lapse and relapse in my ED until a few weeks ago. When things started getting even more complicated and annoying.. I can't figure out many things right now, and my comfort zone is my ED. Thats my coping mechanism. I hate being forced into things or to do things. The only thing that will come of being forced is the total opposite.

I honestly do want to recover.. Who doesn't want to be normal? One day i wil recover, one day i will ... but today is not that day. An im afriad that day isn't anytime soon...

Ask me anything, I'll answer everything. Tell me what you really think.